Elayne's Diary 38 (5/8/02)
Ominous Omens
I learned about the Sight on Ashar. Toril has magics that could approximate it, but none come with the heavy price tag experienced with those afflicted. For one, the spell could be ended if any discomfort was experienced. For another, the vision could be directed the events of interest. Only a handful of Wizards on Toril have the power to use such a spell, since the disaster. But, never was it something so dreadful. Never did human, elf, dwarf, or any other creature have to live with the visions and migraines day in and day out.
Poor Sayuri. I finally understand why she married Jurt Sawall. I understand why strange men with notebooks follow her around and write down her every word. I understand why she seems to be afflicted all of the time. Of course, none of that was my fault, but I didn't need to contribute.
I was being flip when I said to her, "I suppose it would be rude to ask if you see anything for me." I admit that I was curious, but I didn't intend what did happen to happen. Her eyes shut, and she squinted in horrible agony. Her body convulsed with the vision. She looked as if she was in more pain than I have ever known, and I knew that I was the immediate cause.
I immediately became very apologetic. I suppose apologies don't mean much to her anymore. I tried to change the subject to more pleasant topics, so that her agony would subside. Nothing seemed to work. Then she told me what I had wanted to know, and she's the one who paid for it. "Watch out for a dark man. He thinks he owns you like that man-woman thing thinks he owns Lorne." I tried to change the subject, to ease her pain, but she persisted in finishing her omen. "You weren't important enough before, but now the man-woman thing has noticed you." Still I persisted in changing the subject.
When I went to fetch her a glass of water, I had my unsuccessful confrontation with Dara. She is a formidable woman. She tried to get me to drink something unsafe; Gods, I nearly drank it. I finally got out of it by feigning illness, however that led her to warning me about getting pregnant. I only escaped with help from Nicola. I guess I owe her, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. It's not as if I'm going to help Merlin find Hero, but for Gabrielle's sake I couldn't kill her. I'm going to learn all I can from Merlin and I'll enjoy my new position in Amber when the war is over.
Finally I returned to Sayuri. "It's begun... the hostages are being sacrificed." Sayuri looked pained for a while, and finally decided it was time for her to leave. I took the excuse to leave and walked her to her rooms.
So here I am, alone in Merlin's room, wondering like a poor little dog when he's going to return. If Merlin is the one who thinks he owns me, I've never noticed it. Still, I should check, and the omen about Brand should give me the opportunity. This time, I'll wait for him to call me. This time, I'll be so worried about Brand that I'll not be in a mood to frolic with him. How he reacts to that should give me an answer.
The truth is, I am very worried about Brand. I know that stolen power comes at a price, however, I think I'll talk to Lorne. I will probably unlink from him anyway, but I am considering burning him out entirely so he's of little use to Brand. Even with his ability to link stilled, he'll still be useful to Merlin or Brand as a breeding tool. Of course, if I do this it's because I'm afraid that Caine might sodder us back together, not because it's inconvenient for Brand. Perhaps it's not a good idea, but I'd be interested in Lorne's opinion. If he wants to do it, and I don't, I'll tell him it can't be done or I don't know how. The latter is truth at the moment.
And if my 'dark man' isn't Merlin, I can only think of a few others. Eric is dead, but then everyone thought Brand was dead as well so I can't just dismiss the possibility. Caine has hardly paid me any mind at all save for our two meetings. The only other possibility I can think of is Mandor. I've only met the man a few times, but Gabrielle did warn me about him. He's the kind of man who likes to control things from the shadows. That's obvious enough from Merlin's comments about him trying to control Caine. Caine is not nearly as malleable as Rufus would have been.
Regardless of who it is, I'll have to be careful. Anyone who would think they owned me would have to be far more powerful than I. I'm going to need every chance I can get to remain free. Hopefully the price Sayuri paid for my omen won't be in vain.
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